Forgot to Forget You
by Penchant-for-raising-Cain
Summary: AnoHana - He carried a burden in his heart. She felt his burden. She wished for it to go away, so that she could replace the burden's place. Tsurumi Chiriko and Matsuyuki Atsumu. Tsuruko and Yukiatsu. Both unrequited, both unfulfilled. :Yukiatsu/Tsuruko:


**I had a sudden inspiration to write a Yukiatsu/Tsuruko introspective oneshot. I just wrote down whatever came into my head. This pairing is my favourite in AnoHana, and no it's not just because Yukiatsu is voiced by Sakurai Takahiro *shifty eyes* Enjoy~**

**I don't own AnoHana.**

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><p><em>He carried a burden in his heart. She felt his burden. She wished for it to go away, so that she could replace the burden's place. Tsurumi Chiriko and Matsuyuki Atsumu. Tsuruko and Yukiatsu. Both unrequited, both unfulfilled.<em>

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><p>Of course she was sad – no, <em>distraught<em> – that Menma died. Her ways, her entire demeanour, was the definition of innocence. She would pick flowers, sing sweet and nonsensical songs, and be the constant fuel of happiness even when the rest of the Super Peace Busters were tired. Whilst Tsuruko stood in the sidelines, plain and serious, Menma shone like a sun centre stage. Was it jealousy? She would rather not think it that way. But yes, the symptoms could be called jealousy; she watched on through her glasses, as Yukiatsu craved for Menma's heart. He was cheerful as she thanked him, resentful when Jintan got the praise instead. His young lips would pucker into a frown when Jintan would run the fastest, or find the biggest snail in the forest. His eyes were only for Menma - her eyes only for him. At first, she thought of it as mere observation, even at that tender age. However, mere observation bloomed into much more.

Secretly, of course.

Menma's death spun her world around at nauseating speeds, causing her to drift apart from the remaining five. Tsuruko had only grabbed Yukiatsu's hand at the last minute, and that saved them from total collapse. They leant on each other for what felt like seconds to her, his hand shivering from the sobs. It hurt to feel this way, as it hurt to see him like this. But life could not be this way - after taking a deep, shuddering breath, Tsuruko scraped enough strength to face the world again. Yukiatsu seemed to follow suit, and both of them delved into their studies. They expanded their brains to shrink the pain, she considered one day. The delicate relationship that was left after the tragedy slowly, but surely, was patched up; but only with some craft glue and tissue paper. She knew that back then, one breath could topple it over again. In ten years, she commended Yukiatsu for moving on in his outward self. She berated the real man underneath that self, who struggled to appease his still ailing heart.

Seeing Jintan was a bad thing for him. Tsuruko knew that rule number one in Yukiatsu's handbook of 'What Never to do in a Day' was 'never see Jintan'. The instant he would lay eyes on him, Yukiatsu's nose would shoot up into the air, and pain masked as contempt gleamed in his eyes.

Pathetic.

She had nothing against Jintan – ahem, Yadomi – in fact, she would admire his emotional spirit had he not become a _hikikomori_. He was a good de facto leader at age five, and had a big heart. Yet, she saw that he was problematic, so she left him alone. It was not really for Yukiatsu's sake, but for her own; she could feel the irritation boil into anger inside her as she saw the one she loved clutch to a departed soul like it was a lifeline. Those types of feelings were not good for her. When they both heard that Yadomi could see Menma, she knew that it was only a matter of time before they all snapped.

And snap he did. The malicious idiot Yukiatsu, who only cared about hurting himself, dared to buy a one-piece sundress, complete with a blue ribbon, _just like Menma's_. She had seen him run through that familiar forest wearing it, looking gleeful yet deranged. He had some strange idea that just because he wore that dress, he could channel her spirit and thus be able to see her. The message was actually deeper than that - he was atoning. He felt that since Menma's death was supposedly his fault, he should see her to apologize. With surprising ease, she indirectly revealed his secret to everyone. What she had not calculated was the amount of emotion he had welling up in his chest. When he broke, she felt an enormous tremor go through her. It took all of Tsuruko's willpower not to cry herself. He had to take a step away from Menma, whether he wanted to or not.

Tsuruko felt that jealousy was like a contagious virus. It was a pesky thing, invisible at the best of times, and it spread around silently. She did not know who contracted it first – Yukiatsu from never being able to compete with Yadomi? Anaru – no, Anjou – from never being able to compete with Menma? Or herself, guilty of the same sin as Anjou? All she knew now was this; after meeting with the rest of the gang increasingly now, she felt envious of Anjou. Yes, she realized that the girl was petty and weak, unable to differentiate her own thoughts and peer pressure.

However, she had obtained a position that Tsuruko could never forgive; Yukiatsu's second in line.

There will come a day when he _will_ move on, and as she saw it, he will move straight onto Anjou. That close, teasing relationship…she could never replicate that, it was not in her nature. Tsuruko had treasured each moment carefully when their classmates, or shopkeepers, mistake her and Yukiatsu to be a couple. It was so fake and dull compared to a real romance, but that was all she had.

She had looked at the discarded hair pin that was meant for Menma and saw her own self in it. Fake and dull. She saw Yukiatsu's and Anjou's amicable ways, and thought of their own conversations. Fake and dull.

She was too late, and even when she tearfully told Anjou, she knew nothing was going to change. As the firework soared, she wished with all her might that Menma obtain nirvana, just so that it would be easier to fight against Anjou without her suffocating presence.

Menma was still there.

Tsuruko wracked her intelligent brain for an answer. The light bulb lit – none of them felt the right emotions. All she was thinking of was how she was always beaten; second best according to school, third best according to Yukiatsu. Her feelings had no place in this world, and the only thing she could think was to let them go. Hopeless, hopeless case.

Don't get her wrong, she was ecstatic and frighteningly sorrowful when Menma attained peace. She whole heartedly wished for her journey to be on angel's wings, with flower petals tracing the path. Menma was not a person you could ever hate. In fact, if it was not for her, Tsuruko would have forever stayed the emotionless bookworm, with not even Yukiatsu to cherish.

Tsuruko still cherished him after that. It was awkward at first, but they got back to their regular friendship. She saw him grow as a person; the Super Peace Busters wasted no day without each other. Poppo still travelled around, wanting to learn the world from its roots. Anjou – err, Anaru – was as chatty as ever, still trying to win Yado- Jintan's love. Jintan himself came out of his recluse and started going to school again, which Tsuruko approved. And Yukiatsu just silently sipped his tea, watching the fun unfold around him.

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><p>"Tsuruko?"<p>

Tsuruko shook her head, and covered up her doodle of Nokémon characters hastily. Her idle thoughts had drifted so far into herself, only the last thought being in the present. Yukiatsu had called her name. She nodded her head questioningly. His eyes gestured to Poppo, Anaru and Jintan, a smirk gracing his lips.

Tsuruko let out a chuckle at the scene.

"Please Anaru!" Poppo pleaded with puppy dog eyes, "Let me see this super rare full colour manga!"

"No, Poppo! It's precious and it's mine!" Anaru replied, sticking her tongue out.

"If he wants to read it, let him read it," Jintan said as he flicked through a gamers' magazine.

"You stay out of this, Jintan!"

"What, I'm just trying to calm the storm! That's what leaders do."

"And who made you leader?"

"I was leader ten years ago, so I'm still leader now."

"You can't lead an army of ants!"

"Um, guys?" Poppo asked, realizing that the subject of squabble had been lost, "If you're going to have a lover's quarrel, can you do it outside?"

"Eh? Lover's quarrel?" Jintan and Anaru said in unison, looking thoroughly outraged.

Yukiatsu's smirk changed into an amused grin. He drew eye contact with Tsuruko, and winked.

Tsuruko smiled back, hoping to the high heavens that her blush wasn't obvious.

Maybe it wasn't such a hopeless case after all.

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><p><strong>I hope you liked it. If you did, please review. I might do a 'sequel' to this from Yukiatsu's point of view.<strong>

**- Tsuki Yume x**


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